International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers is observed annually on December 17 by sex workers, their advocates, friends, families and allies. The day calls attention to hate crimes committed against sex workers worldwide, as well as the need to remove the social stigma and discrimination that have contributed to violence against sex workers and indifference from the communities they are part of.
When we think of violence, we tend to think of blatant physical attacks, but violence is far more nuanced than a fist fight, especially when it comes to marginalized communities. To help us better understand how violence affects sex workers and how we can improve our relationship with sexuality is Elle Stanger, also known as Stripper Writer. Elle is an AASECT Certified Sex Educator, consultant for anti-trafficking organizations, professional writer, podcast host, sexuality consultant, and sex worker extraordinaire with 10+ years of experience.
When we think of violence against sex workers, we often think of men as the perpetuators. From reading the testimonies of sex workers, we know that women are also guilty of this, from inappropriate behavior in strip clubs to shaming women who do this work. What are some behaviors women perpetuate that they may not realize is actually detrimental to their fellow female SWs, and what are ways women can be genuine allies to sex workers?
The last person who hit me while I was working was a middle aged woman; she was seemingly mad that her male date had tipped me $20 for doing my job, dancing on stage. She ran out the front door, pulling him behind her, and my buttcheek was still stinging from her hand.
Lots of sex workers will tell you that besides physical violence, socially encouraged discrimination and systemic discrimination are main barriers to safer and healthier lives. Sex work is not inherently violent, but people who act out their aggression or biases against us are, and a lot of our culture encourages abuse and violence at sexually relevant laborers or people.
Laws against prostitution and sex work mean that people can consistently be denied housing. Laws that punish “third party facilitators” of sex work might include landlords who rent to us, which encourages discrimination and extortion against us. Bad laws and stigma can mean real obstacles to renting an apartment, buying a home, or even being denied shelter during travel, like when AirBnb bans sex workers.
Dating and socializing can be hard when our culture encourages or permits relational and interpersonal violence against sex workers: from partners, family, clergy, school administrators, and health ”care” providers. Parents sometimes lose custody of their own children - not due to their parenting, but due to marauding social workers with misplaced concern.
Law enforcement in America is routinely encouraged to violate people working in sex: stings are predatory and increase likelihood of state sanctioned rape or theft. True victims of crimes who want to report them are less likely to do so if their activities are illegal or stigmatized. It is common for sex workers to be met with victim blaming or low concern when we try to prevent stalking or harassment.
Lots of people think that sex workers are exciting, but aren’t taught how to love or respect or even tolerate us.
What are some ways to remedy these points?
I can imagine a world where our cultures respect and adore people who create pleasure, and I’m grateful for the clients and allies that feel these ways.
Erotophobia is a term to describe the discomfort or anxiety that some people feel around sexually relevant materials. Their feelings are sometimes due to their own traumas, bad experiences, or social conditioning. The term whorephobia is newer and more specific to describe people who feel disgust or derision at sex-working people, or our activities. I regularly experience people online and IRL who take out their trauma on sex workers, our clients, and even the people who love us.
Why do some people hate or try to harm sex workers? I’ve identified a few reasons over the years of working in legal, illegal, online, and in-person spaces.
Religious fundamentalism often teaches that people who engage sexually outside of marriage, child-making, or heterosexuality are sinners, sick, or mentally ill. This creates a superiority complex and savior-like attitudes towards a population they don’t understand and don’t respect. Never forget that there are people in leadership positions in America who say that earthquakes happen because gay people and porn-makers exist. These people can’t be reasoned with, and I do not try. I just remind them that Jesus was kind and respectful to sex workers too.
Some people are anti-SW due to constant media misrepresentation: Popular shows like 30 Rock and Family Guy only feature sex workers as targets for derision or disgust - and movies and media generally show sex workers as victims or villains, if shown at all. Jokes and media about killing hookers, ripping off strippers, “slapping hoes” are the fuel for harmful behaviors.
Partner jealousy and competition for resources are another reason why some people try to shield or prohibit their partners or spouses from watching or buying porn or going to a strip club. I encourage couples and mates to navigate their relationship agreements in ways that feel honest and ethical: we are just going to work to make money and take care of our own families, I promise you I don’t book my shifts at the club with the hopes of stealing someone’s man.
Belief of misinformation does a lot of damage: a hundred years ago there were pseudoscientists saying that masturbation would make you blind, and these con artists still exist today. I once met a man in the club who thought that ejaculation was bad for him - he “learned” this information on TikTok and Youtube, much like many folks who don’t receive accurate and inclusive sexuality education. Groups like FightTheNewDrug and Exodus Cry have repackaged the same Victorian era bullshit from a century ago, and some people gobble it up.
Some folks dislike porn because there still exists a lack of performer diversity and body representation - they’ve never seen people who look like them, fucking. In a world where most institutions and industries are run by-and-for white, hetero, and straight-sized people, I encourage folks to seek out and support queer porn, fat porn, Black and multi-ethnic creators. If you want to make an industry better, support worker diversity, not worker abolition. (Some of my favorites are April Flores, Valentine Von Bettie, Trip Richards, and Carta Monir.)
What are 3 ways we can consume and interact with adult content in a more ethical way?
Giving money directly to workers is often the best way to directly support them, and secondly I like supporting orgs run by-and-for sworkers, many of which work to prevent trafficking and exploitation, or offer spaces for folks who have experienced these things. BIPOC-Collective exists to “make the adult entertainment industry a safe space for everyone who chooses this labor”, and is co-run by longtime adult worker Sinnamon Love.
Ishtar Collective in Vermont grows food for distribution, and has successfully fought for removal of archaic anti-prostitution laws around Vermont. SWOP-Behind Bars helps incarcerated sex workers with donations, legal help and a support line.
Listen to our stories and tips! I love hearing from folks, “You’ve taught me how to be a better client or partner” - and the proliferation of sex-worker run media makes it easy to hear our stories. I host They Talk Sex Podcast , and there’s a dozen other pods where you can learn from performers.
When you see bullying, abuse or discrimination against sexually relevant laborers or our supporters, call that shit out! If I’m watching TV and see examples, I name it: “That’s a sexual assault” or “Yikes, is this supposed to be funny?” or “Nobody paid her for the work she is doing, this is not realistic.” I get pushback sometimes, and this helps me see who is supportive of consent, and who is not.
I witness a lot of people who attack or belittle sex workers, and claim to be criticizing us from a place of “concern”. This often looks like bad-faith assumptions that we are unfit parents, or dishonest partners. There are so-called feminists who do these things quite a lot, claiming “concern over exploitation” - but these are the same women who report my social media pages, delete my comments, and insist I have Stockholm Syndrome and don’t actually ever enjoy my work.
When thinking of ways to make sex work safer for those involved, we’re often told legalization is the best path. Why is this a myth and what would actually lead to positive change for the safety of sex workers?
Folks will sometimes argue that legalization is better: those people are not sex workers or harm reduction experts, but may be nationalists who believe that regulation equals safety to the worker. It does not.
Legalization gives power to the government, decriminalization gives power to the workers and clients. Full decriminalization of sex work has been recommended globally, for decades and by harm reduction experts and researchers like WHO, Amnesty International, ACLU, and the 250 scientists who wrote a formal letter to President Biden and VP Harris last year.
What’s the difference? Decriminalization means that adults working and buying sexual services are of no concern to government or police. This means that they can not be targeted for arrest, or abusive stings, and there’s no reason for cops to interact with sex workers or clients, unless there’s a problem like a rape or assault, and they are called in by the victims. This seems to work well to free up resources to actually address harm, trafficking, abuse, in places where sex work is full decriminalized, like New Zealand, and parts of Australia.
Legalization is government sanctioned control: adults may be heavily regulated, tracked, documented and forced to comply with invasive screening or costly permits. Sex workers have repeatedly explained why legalization is not ideal, how regulations can be strict and unreasonable, and that punishments await those who cant comply due to economic or personal struggle.
Dominatrix Jax-Prince Cottrell says, “What would keep me safer at work is decriminalizing sex work, especially as a dominatrix and full service sex worker. I find my clients on sites such as Craigslist and social media, which greatly increases my risk of something happening to me. The only reason I do it is because there’s literally no permitted way for me to be able to find my clients. If sex work were decriminalized, there would be open channels and sites where I could safely find clients who have been vetted and checked.”
Please support the SAFE SEX Workers Study Act, which would review the impacts of bad 2018-bills FOSTA and SESTA, along with the undersigned nearly 100 organizations and folks who can attest to it’s harm.
It is totally okay if a person doesn’t want to watch pornography, read erotica, or create their own content. Sexuality is a human right and this means we each should be able to choose what feels best for our own selves, without coercing or harming others. If someone tells me they don’t like porn, I tell them that is fine with me, but I ask them if this means they also don’t like Porn Workers. I challenge people to address their beliefs by asking, “Is your stance hurtful or helpful in reducing harm against sex workers and people in our lives?”
Elle Stanger is President of Oregon Sex Worker Committee and can be found on Instagram: @stripperwriter and Twitter: @ellestanger
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